AFTER BEATING HIS ADDICTION TO METH, BRIAN RECREATED HIMSELF

They say one small step is worth more than a thousand steps only planned. 

For those struggling with addiction and/or addiction recovery, that statement couldn’t be more accurate. 

Sometimes a single step forward is all it takes to start the healing process. 

That’s what happened for Brian J. 

“To get off my addiction to meth I had to make a difficult choice and completely remove myself from the group of friends that I was hanging out with,” he said. “Not saying they were bad people it’s just what was best for me at the time. I’d also just split up with my girlfriend, so I felt completely alone. That led to my first suicide attempt.”

Brian said that with his alcohol addiction, he had friends and family to help get him on the right track but ultimately it was up to him to decide what he wanted from this life. 

That is courage, personified. 

“A part of me really just wanted to drink myself to death the other part really wanted to quit drinking for good,” Brian said. “Towards the end of my drinking and tobacco career that’s all I really wanted was to quit those things and with a good support system I was able to do those things.”

He had to continually fight that hopeless feeling of not wanting to be alive anymore. 

That he wasn’t worth anything. 

It’s a daily battle that many of us face. The key is finding a conduit to help you push through. 

For Brian, running and martial arts helped accelerate that process.

“My wife and I started running after she got diagnosed with multiple sclerosis,” he added. “She’s the strong one in this relationship. I began really getting into ultramarathons. About 4 years ago I was doing a 50k trail race and I got a bad case of plantar fasciitis and had to take a break from running. Shortly after that both of my parents were in the hospital at the same time which caused some major stress. I’d always wanted to try MMA but never took the chance with it. I told my friend about how I was feeling, and he said I should try Jiu Jitsu. I was hooked after my first sparring session after I got caught in a triangle choke! As I previously mentioned I’ve used each of these forms of exercise to get through friends of mine that had passed. The morning after my dad passed away, I was on the mat with my friends doing Jiu Jitsu.”

Ironically, what keeps Brian moving forward is his former self. 

It’s someone he fights every day. 

Not just the version of himself with addiction struggles, but his former self on the mat and on the trail. 

“I’m a few months away from turning 40 and I feel blessed that I am,” he said. “I feel blessed that I’m doing these things. Some people haven’t reached 40. I’m continuing moving forward for them. I’m moving forward for the people that are my age saying they’re too old to be trying anything new or to be trying something like martial arts or trail running. I’m moving forward for people that wish they can do the things that I’m doing. That’s what keeps me going no matter how tired I am.”

Brian said he first learned of APEMAN through Ryan Bader. 

“The 21 grams video on YouTube brought me to tears,” he added. “When others are struggling I listen to what they have to say. To me listening is what a lot of people don’t do. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you when you’re struggling. I have a friend who’s the owner of the Hope For The Day organization and often times I’ll use their saying.

“’It’s ok not to be ok.’”