Ellie Rojas

In a special edition of our LIFTED stories, APEMAN Ellie Rojas shares a heartfelt and emotional poem that highlights the impact powerlifting has had in her life. – Ed. 

A Broken Heart Can Beat Again 

It is possible to be hurt by one another
but it is also possible to be healed by one another

Trouble
those eyes… the way you look at me
homeless, I was 14
middle of the night at the bus stops
have you ever thought
she didn’t want to go back to her family

Criminal
is that all you see
it’s not always what you see
maybe she’s hungry
is it wrong of me to want things she has
do you blame me

Scars
will you see it as issues? 
is that what it is? 
I think there’s more to it
maybe
she didn’t have a voice to speak out
she was desperate
she wanted to reach out
if you can see my pain
will you care
will you feel bad enough
I wanted anyone to care
will you walk away

not everyone’s life is flashy
not everyone’s parents will support you
be grateful
thankful

School
I heard that too many times
that’s not the fucking answer for me
so stop asking
I know at my age I should be on my feet
you don’t need to tell me
would you be on yours
if you didn’t have stability  
I doubt it
stop looking down on me
you know nothing

homeless
you’re looking straight at her
will you judge me
and say there’s nothing good going for her

I saw all your posts
while you were enjoying a warm
Christmas and New Year’s Eve
I was out in my car
freezing in the 20s

I’m so tired
4 hours… just 4 hours
that’s all I ask for
restless
my nights are so cold I wake up every hour
my feet are frozen, my toes are cracking
my nose is bleeding, when is this gonna be over
that’s all I’m thinking

I know for a damn fact
not any girl
not anyone
can handle this unglamorous life

my past is everything I never want to be
I don’t want this life
I don’t want to live every day the same
why is it following me
I’m from the streets, that’s been my life

when you are nothing
you want to prove something
you want it so bad
you’ll do anything
just to become something

I don’t want to be just a 9-5
I wanted more in life
I will not be your sit at home
house wife
I will not live under you
who try to control me
I will leave
I wanted more opportunities
I didn’t want the same routine
I wanted to see more
be more
I want to enjoy life
I want to do what I love
what I’m passionate about
what makes me happy

this passion is everything
all I have I need it
it’s my outlet
it’s the only thing I have good
it keeps me driven

I feel like I’m crawling
battling life
why? 
I just want to break through
I don’t want this life
if this is my calling god
use me in it
make my dreams come true
tears when? 
when will you pull through
pleeeease I believe
I have nothing left

its shapes me to the person I am
I’m patient
I believe in the end it will all be worth it
as hard as it is
it makes me wise

Pain become stronger from it
it can take you somewhere if you
overcome it
impact from what you’ve been through
help you see things from a different view
I hope it reaches you
let’s inspire I think that’s the reason we are all here for
that’s how we get started
that’s what I want to live for stand for
I dream about it

what’s that noise
is that a bitch getting tazed? 
WTF there’s too much pussies in here
God fucking damn
your mouth is foul girl
those eyes
they’re so cold
I have never seen such an immense
amount of pain in my life
I served time
Why? 
Because I’m just trying to survive
I was hungry
For something I don’t have
A roof over my head
I get locked up for being poor
I don’t belong here
I really am trying to make the most out of my life

I noticed being dirt poor
the street life is hard to get out
keeps coming back to me
keep following me
I don’t want it
I don’t want this fucking life
I want to be better

I know a lot of people had it hard from the beginning
doesn’t mean there’s nothing good going for you
you have to fight
It’s not easy
I know the wisest and smartest people
went through the hardest struggles
what makes the most successful people

Just because you have a PAST
Doesn’t mean you can’t turn them around
It’s not karma
but the way you learn through life
that is how you learn right
shit has to happen sometimes for the better to fall into place

Get up, stand the fuck up
fight it, overcome it
I know and believe in my heart
you can be whatever you set out to be
that’s what is good about this generation
you have opportunities

I’m still trying to figure out this street life
 

ScarsAdam Field